Memories. The ones we choose to keep and the ones we hope to erase. Its funny how time works and frames every history. The time when we let our guards down and let someone have a peek of what's inside and to satisfy our
curiosity. It is beautiful how that first feeling of being interested in and how we play the chase game. The game of hiding from being too vulnerable, too needy and too interested. We feed from the tension our ego cost to the other person,priceless. And the fact that no matter how hard we play the game, that person will not budge and rather be more hungry.
I remember the time, the burst of adrenalin rush and happiness whenever someone close to me fall into the realm of love. It defies everything you have ever known. Its as if the world has became secondary and you are in charge. The addiction, obsession and the thrill that gives that lift you needed. Its as if this thing is so sacred that you need to fight with your life to protect it, as if to keep the candle burning. Nothing matters. Not the hassle, not the wait, not the people surrounding you. You invest every bit of your soul into giving the best gift, dressing up your very best and..in short, it brought out the best in you. I remember those times.I remember me. Dressed up in that black shiny top with that favourite blue jean. Make-up and my favourite perfume.All to be paired with that 4 inches heel. Singing with all my heart in the traffic under the afternoon sun. Messages to say "sorry
im late again" and that grin when i got a reply saying "i will wait for you". Making sure i looked my best looking at the reflection of the car window. Walking with pride, with every stride, there was euphoria. And there was him sitting at the corner of Starbucks. Dressed in his best white collared, long sleeved shirt with a
laid back blue jean. Watching him arrange my drink so as to present it best, and to show that he really just wants to make it perfect. A kiss on the back of his neck to say hi. And that look in his eyes saying "you are beautiful". And those little whispers close enough to his ear so that he can smell my perfume.
We were carefree, madly in love and so in love with life.
Time has passed. Its as if
im seeing the world playing in fast forward. And now
im in the present time when all of those are just very sweet memories of the chase. Very sweet. I just know, with all these gut feeling that those are sweet memories and it will remain that way. Now and forever. It is hard to swallow and to strive through another day. Passionless. Dead.
I remember the curiosity i had, the curiosity of how two people can be one and the next moment they are separated by the whole world and be two very very different, separate individuals again. The question has been answered. Really intriguing and yet so logic. I am not yearning for the past anymore. But one thing im sure is I've learned, experienced and lived.
