Jane
There are two parts of me. I am wild and i am jane. I knew, i know and i will always be aware but my logic always saves me from the inner dare-devil that i am.
If someone says life is short, i am almost certain that i will live a primitive life.
FOOD.SEX.SLEEP.
People, there are the ones that enjoy a chaotic young life and ones that take pride in their achievements but lifeless souls.
As the older people say, we drift off, we betray the faith of the ones we love when we hit the question, what else in life?
We need a stroke of ego, we need the fireworks, we need attention, we need to be wanted, we need to feel like the most delicate being in the whole universe...well that's what they say.
I would say in disgust, " you selfish bastard".
Now, its me,myself... Identity crisis, whatever one may call it. I know it by definition.
Feels so good to be noticed, leaving you hungry for more and when not being fed, you hate life, you hate the ones around you.You are not passionate about anything anymore until you get teased with euphoria. Fantasies. The LOOK-AT-ME behaviour, i would describe as. But then, you want to play safe. You stay as jane.
Then we ask, are we lying to ourselves?
If someone says life is short, i am almost certain that i will live a primitive life.
FOOD.SEX.SLEEP.
People, there are the ones that enjoy a chaotic young life and ones that take pride in their achievements but lifeless souls.
As the older people say, we drift off, we betray the faith of the ones we love when we hit the question, what else in life?
We need a stroke of ego, we need the fireworks, we need attention, we need to be wanted, we need to feel like the most delicate being in the whole universe...well that's what they say.
I would say in disgust, " you selfish bastard".
Now, its me,myself... Identity crisis, whatever one may call it. I know it by definition.
Feels so good to be noticed, leaving you hungry for more and when not being fed, you hate life, you hate the ones around you.You are not passionate about anything anymore until you get teased with euphoria. Fantasies. The LOOK-AT-ME behaviour, i would describe as. But then, you want to play safe. You stay as jane.
Then we ask, are we lying to ourselves?
People, cigarettes, croissant, the morning sun and a cup of tea.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alvarolopez/383932562/in/set-72157604260722548/Funnily enough, every time i imagine myself living the life i want, it is really simple. Lying on grass enjoying the sun, walking on the narrow streets in Italy or sitting at a busy café at Capri enjoying the guitar and the people.
I love people. I love their stories. I love the language. How people fall in love and be totally lost, captivated in the world of their own.
How people travelled the world working at sea, know what they want in life, got it, moved on with life then started a family and a business.
How people dedicate themselves to yoga and the sea. How they can be so passionate about their trade, putting themselves there appreciating the beauty of their work.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/54015014@N00/183384037/One day, i will look at the horizon holding the hands of the one i love, satisfied with the beauty that surrounds me.
.
One day, i will tell my story with glory and pride to the ones eager to hear.
One day, i will be free.
One day i will be them, the wise people.
Strive to be confused
I am tired of being tiredTired of chasing the intangible
If i stop,
If i stop,
Will i miss that chance?
Though the sun rises from the east and sets on the west
So that the rays set on every part of the sunflower
What will i be if i forsake the chances?
What if ?
Even the trees in the tropical forests climb to harvest light
What am i with limbs and thoughts to give up?
Shame on me, shame on me.
A beautiful stranger
The sunlight glaring but still the chilling cold. The unmistakable roars of the engine in distress. Yet another day to kill at work, i sighed. My eyes wandered and there he was sitting a couple of feet from me. An attractive man he was. His soft brown hair neatly cut. His beautiful blue eyes gazed on the passing trees. Cleanly shaven, so sexually attractive. His shoulders so broad showing such manhood. A coat and a briefcase. An important meeting perhaps...
A girl got on the bus and stood beside him balancing herself as the bus pushes forward. She bent down arranging her bags. His attention shifted to her rear. Eyes fixated. Scanned and looked away.
She didn't quite make it, i knew. I looked at her physique. Pear- shaped. Short legs. Fairly beautiful skin. Average rear. She did not quite make it, for him.
She bent again. His attention shifted again. I knew what was on his mind. Males, sexual fantasies and what not.
I smiled just looking at his primitive instincts. I traced his body from his eyes, down his cleanly shaved neck again...and he abruptly pulled himself up with his hands strongly gripping the side pole . The guy next to him alighted. He then lowered his body again and used his arms to drag himself to the window seat.
Something looked amiss.
"Wanna seat?", he asked the standing girl. She took the aisle seat. She KNEW he was looking at her.She sat so uncomfortably with the heels of her feet suspended in the air, putting all the pressure on her toes so as to minimize the size of her thighs.
I smiled again looking at them but something was amiss.
My attention drifted.We reached the station. Everyone got into a queue to obediently alight like kids in pre-school. He pulled himself up with his arms again and swung his left leg out. He waited to join the line. I stopped abruptly. Not knowing why. He looked at me. "Thank you", he said under his breath.
He lowered his right leg, hand firmly gripping the handle of the door. His left followed. He walked off in a hurry, with a limp. A limp.
My heart cried in dismay. I frowned as he limped away. What a pity. He possessed the beauty of a man's physique but why the limp? What went through his mind when i stopped to let him pass? How does he perceive himself as a privileged person? Does he believe in god? Does he hate life?
A girl got on the bus and stood beside him balancing herself as the bus pushes forward. She bent down arranging her bags. His attention shifted to her rear. Eyes fixated. Scanned and looked away.
She didn't quite make it, i knew. I looked at her physique. Pear- shaped. Short legs. Fairly beautiful skin. Average rear. She did not quite make it, for him.
She bent again. His attention shifted again. I knew what was on his mind. Males, sexual fantasies and what not.
I smiled just looking at his primitive instincts. I traced his body from his eyes, down his cleanly shaved neck again...and he abruptly pulled himself up with his hands strongly gripping the side pole . The guy next to him alighted. He then lowered his body again and used his arms to drag himself to the window seat.
Something looked amiss.
"Wanna seat?", he asked the standing girl. She took the aisle seat. She KNEW he was looking at her.She sat so uncomfortably with the heels of her feet suspended in the air, putting all the pressure on her toes so as to minimize the size of her thighs.
I smiled again looking at them but something was amiss.
My attention drifted.We reached the station. Everyone got into a queue to obediently alight like kids in pre-school. He pulled himself up with his arms again and swung his left leg out. He waited to join the line. I stopped abruptly. Not knowing why. He looked at me. "Thank you", he said under his breath.
He lowered his right leg, hand firmly gripping the handle of the door. His left followed. He walked off in a hurry, with a limp. A limp.
My heart cried in dismay. I frowned as he limped away. What a pity. He possessed the beauty of a man's physique but why the limp? What went through his mind when i stopped to let him pass? How does he perceive himself as a privileged person? Does he believe in god? Does he hate life?
Taste the poison
Talking about sacrifice, it is nothing as it sounds unless someone gives up their dignity, self-worth and their every ounce of strength for another person. Among the thousands of people i met throughout my lifetime, there are a few who are truly life heroes. Some might earn minimum wages but they are respected for every effort they put in to earning every cent.
I complained. I fretted. I had a wrath against life. Ignorant and blinded by comfort.
I found a job. I'm working. Now i've tasted the poison. To taste exactly how hard it is to have food on the table, or simply to survive.
Now, i think twice before saying how unfair the world is because at the end of the day i know i'm truly blessed.
I complained. I fretted. I had a wrath against life. Ignorant and blinded by comfort.
I found a job. I'm working. Now i've tasted the poison. To taste exactly how hard it is to have food on the table, or simply to survive.
Now, i think twice before saying how unfair the world is because at the end of the day i know i'm truly blessed.
Looking back...
It's been a semester. Time really flies when all you do is yearn for tomorrow to come. I dread that habit but sometimes i just wish that time will pass and everything will be okay again. Many things have changed. I have grown way beyond what i believed. I've been hurt, been happy, been hopeful and hopeless. I lost a friend, lost a family member and now i have a new nephew. People moved on.. kids growing up, closest friend going overseas, closest cousin gave birth, relatives getting better jobs, people having new dreams..hey, that's life.
Any regrets so far? Of course. I wish i had been more optimistic, more out there, grasping whatever i can. People i met made me believe differently. They do drugs.......you name it, marijuana, ice, grass, ecstasy and acid. They party from Wednesdays to Saturdays. One spent 30,000 AUD on clubbing alone in a month... but i realized i am nobody to judge. Then there are those who devote themselves to god.Weekends at church..great family dinners.They are happy. That's all that matters.
Ive seen the most beautiful autumn, experienced it.. and of course the first winter! I will experience snow soon, with people i love, i hope.
In studies, i may not be the best but i know that i've done my best. I'll just leave the door open and let myself be vulnerable to new experiences this holidays. AND YES, ITS THE HOLIDAYS!!! Cheers!
Hopeless romantic
I am a hopeless romantic. Love is such a beautiful thing. Love heals fear, pain, loneliness and it just makes you feel whole again. Before, i wasn't a believer in the marriage institution. Believe me, love changes perception. The feeling of wanting to be bonded to the love of your life forever. To tell him " yes, I'm yours". It isn't just papers, it is a spiritual engagement. Love is a dedication of life and soul. A beauty in itself.
To let him kiss your forehead when he sees you
To hold hands while staring into each other's eyes
To watch the sunrise and plan the future together
To dance with him to your favorite love song on your wedding day
Him holding you tight, you feeling beautiful
To let yourself melt in his arms
To hear the precious whisper "i love you"
To make love endlessly
To make the promise to be together for eternity
Sounds perfect and i let myself believe. Why not give your all when he may be taken away from you? Why not kiss him and remind him of how much you love him? Why not have candlelight dinners? Why not renew your vows on every wedding anniversary?
The most beautiful way of describing the cycle of love i've heard this far is "...when there is love,life begins.Over and over again.."
Life's little pleasures...
If i were given the chance to change a thing in the past 19 years, i would live to the fullest each and everyday. When was the last time you smiled at a stranger? When was the last time you danced in the kitchen? When was the last time you slept under the stars?
Everyday is worth a memory. Every second is worth a smile.
and get lost after that.
Everyday is worth a memory. Every second is worth a smile.
Life is nothing but beautiful when you have the choice to
have your lunch by the sea
then have your sushi box in the city at night...
and get lost after that.
Vineyard Creek, Rydalmere
Autumn leaves beneath my feet
Trees curl up to face the bitter winter
The seagull rushed to reside
The morning dew froze on my skin
Grand Pacific Drive
"An old train powered by steam, hustling through neighbourhoods across seas, forests and rivers. Taking a sip of hot tea, i stare at the horizon. Inhaling, i let my eyes feast on what is ahead..." It is a dream of mine to travel to rural areas where farms are still green, where people smile when rain falls, where children laugh when being chased by puppies, where people love food and most importantly life itself. Peru perhaps?
I have always thought if i were to have only one of the five senses, i will always choose to have sight.
I have always thought if i were to have only one of the five senses, i will always choose to have sight.
It is for moments like these when i am holding my breath letting myself be overwhelmed by it.
Life is beautiful. It is.
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